Category: Informative - Sheryl Griffin

Book Signing, Music, Food, Giveaways, And More...

8/1/2014

Book Signing for A Scarlet Cord of Hope (updated and expanded)

WHEN: Friday August 8, 2014
WHERE: Music City Church 5240 Edmondson Pike Nashville, TN
TIME: 6:30-8:00
WHAT ELSE: A FREE (mini) concert by Jaci Velasquez and Nic Gonzales (from Salvador), FREE food from Chick Fil A Rivergate, Giveaways, 94FM The Fish will be there, and THANKS to a generous anonymous donor the first 50 people to purchase a copy of A Scarlet Cord of Hope (at the event) will receive a FREE copy to give to someone!

Also a BIG thank you to Nelson Mazda and Cool Springs MD for their generous support and sponsorship for advertising on 94FM The Fish.

What, Why, and When of Boundaries- Part Two

7/18/2014

Yesterday I focused on the what and why of boundaries....today the focus will be on the when. When are boundaries necessary? How will you know IF a boundary is needed?

Unfortunately, there isn't a one size fits all when it comes to boundaries and knowing when to place them. Each situation and personality is unique, and what works for one, may not work for another. Sometimes you will need to dig deeper into the situation before you know what and when a particular boundary is needed.

Key Questions To Ask Yourself (When or If A Boundary Is Necessary):

1. Is this person or situation causing you to feel uncomfortable, anxious, angry, guilty, or ashamed?

2. Is this person or situation causing you to neglect your relationship with God, your spouse, children, or family?

3. Is this person or situation causing you to disregard your personal needs (emotionally, spiritually, academically, financially, or physically)?

4. Is this person or situation placing you in an unhealthy or potentially dangerous situation?

5. Is this person or situation inviting you (willingly or unwilling) to go against standards, values, expectations, or morals that require secretiveness that if found out would create stress, anxiety, fear, or concern to those who know you and care about your well-being?

In order to effectively answer these questions in any given situation you need to know yourself well (what do you think, feel, believe etc) and you must be willing to recognize that you have a personal responsibility and accountability before God. While there IS grace, mercy, and forgiveness for those who are truly repentant, there is still accountability and we will answer before God. There is an immense difference in supporting, encouraging, and being a team player, or even a "good friend," and that of being uncomfortable, stressed, or feel the need to be secretive due to guilt, shame, or not wanting accountability.

Areas Where Boundaries May Be Necessary:

1. Over committing. Some people are great at delegating and filling positions or responsibilities, however, there is a fine line in feeling guilty and in taking reasonable responsibility. We can't fill every need and responsibility especially at the expense of one of the Key Questions listed above. Find the balance and if your plate is genuinely full it's okay to say, "No." This may not be your season and that is okay. Sometimes we step up only because someone needs to do it or we have been asked and are afraid to say,"No." When we step in for these reasons it becomes a quality over quantity issue. Guilt over desire. Be committed to being a quality volunteer or doer. Be aware of only saying, "Yes" because you are to afraid to say, "No."

2. Some people are more needy than others and if you tend to be a care giver type or a leader it is easy for others to monopolize your time and zap your emotional or physical energy, all without malicious intent. These boundaries are challenging to enforce because it usually involves family or close friends and there is a genuine need that is not manipulative. It's important to be able to place whatever boundaries may be necessary in order to maintain a quality relationship. Be committed to being fully present, fully engaged, and being a quality care giver or leader within your family or circle of close friends and this will help you know what those particular boundaries may need to look like and feel like.

3. If someone is asking you to compromise your values, morals, or beliefs to justify their behavior or desires, that is clearly a red flag. If you feel obligated out of guilt, fear, or coerced, you need to place a firm boundary and quite possibly consider removing yourself from this persons life. This is a red flag of a potential abuser or manipulator. Red flags usually don't change color.

Recognizing boundary needs is not easy, however, once you begin to see boundaries as a positive and a way to be more effective and present within your family, circle of friends, church, work, etc. you will find yourself feeling more confident and hopeful!

Remember healthy boundaries allow you to have empathy (understanding) for others without taking responsibility for them. Finding a balance between taking care of yourself (emotionally) and being there for others, without being manipulated, abused, or intimidated (whether intentionally or not).

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23

For nothing will be impossible with God. Luke 1:3

There is always HOPE!

What, Why, and When of Boundaries- Part One

7/17/2014

Boundaries can conjure up a negative picture. I use to think of boundaries as intimidating or harsh. I would feel guilty or wrong for thinking of placing a boundary in a relationship. What I know now is that boundaries are safe. Boundaries are good. Boundaries define you in your values, beliefs, and character.

Those of us who struggle with co-dependency and low self-esteem tend to have a hard time understanding and embracing boundaries. We become comfortable staying within other peoples boundaries versus creating our own, mostly out of fear of hurting or disappointing someone.

Healthy boundaries allow you to have empathy (understanding) for others without taking responsibility for them. Finding a balance between taking care of yourself (emotionally) and being there for others, without being manipulated, abused, or intimidated (whether intentionally or not).

Once you decide to place specific boundaries it will be a process of following through. There will be people in your life (and even the devil) who will work hard to gray your line (your boundary) and before you know it, you begin to move across or allow in slowly, but steadily the very things, situations, or people you originally tried to protect yourself from.

Boundaries are connected to self-worth and by seeing yourself as "worthy" you recognize that you are intentionally and purposefully created by God. You matter!

For you created my inmost being: you knit me together in my mothers womb.
Psalm 139:13

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart. Jeremiah 1:5

Authors Dr.Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend have said in their book, Boundaries "You are the one who must take control of the aspects of your life and exercise the freedom and responsibility that God has given you. And remember, where He has given you control, He will hold you accountable."

We are each responsible and accountable for our own actions and choices. It's not our place to answer for someone else or to own their responsibility. It's also not up to others to be responsible for our choices. If you find yourself running in the "victim circle" take ownership and move forward.

Something to ask yourself:
1. Is there an area or relationship in your life where you need to consider placing a boundary?
2. Have you allowed or made someone else responsible for your choices or actions?

If you answered yes to either one of these questions....what are you willing to do TODAY to move forward in a healthy way?

There is always HOPE!

Look Who Is Reading A Scarlet Cord of Hope!

7/2/2014

My husband had a surprise for me... He and Jaci interviewed Guy Gilchrist (comic artist for Nancy) earlier in the day for their Morning Show (94fm The Fish - Your Family Friendly Morning Show with Doug and Jaci Velasquez). My husband recently met Mr. Gilchrist at an event and it turned out they were each big fans of one another! They also had a lot in common. After the interview Mr. Gilchrist offered to draw something for each of them and my husband asked if he would draw Aunt Fritzi from the Nancy comic strip and show her reading my book A Scarlet Cord of Hope.

Mr. Gilchrist has no idea how much this means to me and how God has used his gift and talent to bless and remind me that He has a plan and a purpose- in spite of my past! As a woman who never had a desire to write a book or speak publicly about my life, God continues to open doors and make it obvious that this IS His will and purpose. God has proven over and over that He has taken my scarlet cord of guilt, shame, and fear and given me a scarlet cord of HOPE! This reminder has come at such a pivotal time for me with the release of the updated and expanded edition of A Scarlet Cord of Hope.

Guy Gilchrist is the cartoonist for the Nancy comic strip and he has also drawn with Jim Henson- The Muppet cartoon strip, Looney Tunes, Tom and Jerry, Fraggel Rock, Pink Panther, he was the co-creator of The Muppet Babies, and MORE! He is also the author of 56 books, a husband, father, and grandfather....he speaks, entertains, and writes songs.

Click HERE for the interview with Doug and Jaci

Click HERE to see the art that Guy drew for Doug and Jaci's

Click HERE for the official Nancy and Sluggo website and to learn more about Guy Gilchrist.

You can follow Guy on: Twitter

There is always HOPE!

Excerpts, What I Know Now, Stands of Hope and MORE...

6/29/2014

The week of June 30-July 4, 2014 I will post quotes (excerpts), a What I Know Now, or a Strands of Hope question from the updated and expanded edition of A Scarlet Cord of Hope (*E book or paperback) on my Facebook author page. Check my status's at (central time) 6:30 am, 10:30 am, 12:30 pm. 5:30pm and 9:00pm Monday-Friday THIS WEEK only.

If you have read the updated and expanded edition of A Scarlet Cord of Hope I invite you to write a review on Amazon.com (CLICK HERE).

I appreciate your encouragement and comments and look forward to meeting you soon at a book signing or speaking engagement near you!

There is always HOPE!

Sneak Peek...A Scarlet Cord of Hope... Chapter 29

6/24/2014

Chapter 29
The Storm Hits
For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor
angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to
come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other
created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of
God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39

January 27, 2007 - 12:30 a.m. I woke up from a deep sleep feeling nauseous. I thought I must be coming down with the flu. I attempted to sit up and get out of bed, but I grew more nauseous. I wondered if I would make it to the bathroom, which was only a few feet away. Without warning a hot flash raged from my neck to my groin. My heart rate accelerated. I couldn’t catch my breath and began gasping for air. I laid back down and I tried to calm myself by taking small, slow breathes. The nausea subsided a bit and I felt a moment of relief.

A huge wave of nausea washed over me accompanied by an even more intense hot flash. My heart felt as if it was trying to pound its way out of my chest. It hurt, and I was scared! I was trying to remain calm and breathe, but there simply wasn't enough oxygen in the room to fill my lungs.

I touched Doug and whispered to him, “I think I am very sick.” He woke up instantly, but as he sat up the nausea and chest pounding intensified exponentially. I thought I was dying.

“Call 9-1-1,” I whispered.

Within minutes both an ambulance and the fire department arrived. They settled me on the gurney while asking Doug for as many details about my condition as he could give them. All I could think about was that I wouldn’t be able to say goodbye to my kids. Lauren was away at college and Garic was still asleep. As they loaded me into the ambulance, Doug promised to get Garic and meet us at the hospital.

On the drive to the hospital Doug tried to remain calm for Garic’s sake. They prayed that God would heal me from whatever was going on. I had several more attacks on the way to the hospital. I did not want to die in the ambulance. I pleaded with my eyes to the paramedics, please don’t let me die!

I was given an IV and medication that was supposed to calm my heart rate down, but even with the medicine my heart rate only dropped to 140 beats per minute. A normal heart beats in the range 70-100.

God let me live, I silently pled with God. I will be a better Christian and example for my family and friends. I want to grow old. I want to someday have grandchildren. Please God let me be okay!

Doug and Garic arrived shortly after the ambulance. I asked Doug to call Lauren and tell her I love her, although I wasn’t sure if Doug could get through to her. She was in her dorm at college and most likely sleeping. She was accustomed to turning her cell phone off at night, so there was no way to make sure she knew what was going on until she woke in the morning.

I felt there were things I needed to tell my husband - things I wanted him to know, in case I really was dying. Garic reached out to touch me.

“It’s okay Mom,” he said. You’re going to be okay. God will protect you.”

“I know, son,” I put on my brave face. “I need you to know how much I love you and how special you are to me. Never forget that okay?”

He leaned across the hospital bed, gently kissed me and told me he loved me too. Doug took a hold of Garic’s hand and placed a hand across my body and began to pray. They prayed that God would heal me and give the doctors wisdom and discernment as to how to help me.

Several hours later and after many tests, EKGs, X-rays and a treadmill stress test, the only thing they could find wrong was low potassium. The attending physician prescribed anxiety medication and a potassium supplement, and sent me home with instructions to follow up with my family doctor.

My family doctor saw me briefly before I was discharged. She thought I had experienced a panic attack. I wasn’t familiar with the term. Panic attack sounded to me like another term for worry wart, and while I certainly worried about things, I knew this could not be anything as simple as a panic attack. There was something wrong with me! Every test came back negative and I was feeling better. But I knew one of two things happened: either they missed something or God chose to heal me of whatever had invaded my body so violently.

What I Know Now

Panic attacks are real.

Panic attacks can make you feel like you are dying.

How long we live and whether we have physical or mental health problems is not a reflection of how good we have been or could be. We will never be good enough. That is why we have grace and why Jesus willingly sacrificed himself on the cross.

No one deserves what Christ did for us. We can not earn salvation or God’s grace. It is a gift from God. God longs for a relationship with us. We don’t have to bargain to get it.

Strands of Hope

1. Have you ever experienced a panic attack? If so, what are some things that you were able to do to get
through it?

2. Has there been a time when you tried to bargain with God to answer a prayer that you were desperate for?
Read 2 Kings 20. If you were in King Hezekiah’s place would you have chosen to live the last 15 years as he did? If not, what do you think you would have done differently?

3. If you knew you had a certain number of years, days or even minutes before you breathed your last, whom
would you want to spend time with? Is there anything you feel you need to communicate to anyone before you die?

4. Worrying about things, whether they are in our control or not, is an area of struggle for many people. Make a list of the things that you find yourself worrying about. Separate the list into two columns. One column for worries that you can control and the other for worries over which you have no control (i.e. someone else’s behavior, choice or response, disasters, weather, unexpected events or challenges, illness or death).

5. Read Psalm 55:22, 2 Timothy 1:7, Psalm 112:7, Philippians 4:6-7 and Deuteronomy 31:6. Write these
verses down and post them in places that remind you to let go of what you cannot control, and that you can make strong and courageous choices on what you can control.

***to order your copy of A Scarlet Cord of Hope please visit WordCrafts or SherylGriffin.com

You Can Pre-Order A Scarlet Cord of Hope TODAY!

6/10/2014

It's finally here! Today begins the first step towards the release of my book A Scarlet Cord of Hope. You can PRE-ORDER a copy here. It is available in EBook form or as paperback.

For those familiar with my first book I want to encourage you continue the journey with me. This is revised and expanded and includes five Strands of Hope questions (right after the What I Know Now section at the end of each chapter). The Strands of Hope questions were created to be done self reflective or as a small group.

I piloted a small group for nine months testing the questions, gaining insight, feedback, and gaining friendships that will last forever.

We are in the process of setting up three different locations for a book signing in TN. I would love to have you come out and join us! If you're not in TN and interested to have me come and speak and host a book a signing please email me [email protected]

Ten Tips To Remember When Battling With Regret

5/8/2014

Have you ever made a major decision for what you felt were all the right reasons only to later regret that decision? I know I am not alone in this, however, at the time when it became apparent that the decision made had impacted my family in a way I never imagined or expected, I felt devastated, alone and guilt ridden-as if I should have known better.

Several months have past since and while I no longer feel shame for the decision made, I do still regret. While I have forgiven, I struggle with completely moving forward. There were doors opened, lines crossed, and deception involved that concerned more than just this person.

As I look back, I see how I allowed myself to fall into uncomfortable, yet familiar patterns, of taking responsibility for someone else's choices. I was also ignoring red flags. I wanted desperately to believe in this person and the situation, while I questioned (and was repeatedly lied to) I wanted to believe the lies and simply hope I was wrong. Unfortunately, I wasn't wrong. Co-dependent patterns reared their ugly head too, I wanted to undo all the negatives and be the positive and speak life and hope into this person. While that in itself isn't wrong, it was the underlining behavior that was hindering me.

I struggled with guilt because I KNOW and minster to others about not taking responsibility for other peoples choice. I am an advocate of not ignoring red flags! I allowed boundaries to be crossed and red flags to be ignored because I wanted HOPE to win. I wanted this person, whom I love, to feel confident, loved, and have a second chance at life.

Sometimes we want something for someone more than they want it. Maybe they think they want it because they had a brush with fear (or even death), but when it comes down to making the hard choices for themselves, they may ultimately decide they aren't willing to do the hard work it takes to make the necessary changes. They find themselves gravitating towards old patterns and behaviors. It's what they know. It's familiar. They are willing to risk everything once they start the decent back to the familiar.

As I wrestle with moving forward I need to remember the following:

1. God is STILL God even in the midst of difficult seasons. (Nahum 1:7 The Lord is good, A stronghold in the day of trouble, And He knows those who take refuge in Him. Revelation 22:13 "I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end.")

2. God STILL has a plan and a purpose and will use this for His glory. (Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.)

3. Even though I was unprepared, God was not. (Jeremiah 23:24 "Can a man hide himself in hiding places So I do not see him?" declares the Lord. "Do I not fill the heavens and the earth ?" declares the Lord. 1John 3:19-20 We will know by this that we are of the truth, and will assure our heart before Him in whatever our heart condemns us; for God is greater than our heart and knows all things.)

4. I am not responsible for other peoples choices. (2 Corinthians 5:10 For all of us must appear before Christ, to be judged by him. We will each receive what we deserve, according to everything we have done, good or bad, in our bodily life. Matthew 5:37 "But let your statement be, Yes, yes ' or No, no”.)

5. The first sign of lies or deception IS a red flag that should not be ignored. (Romans 16:18 “For such men are slaves, not of our Lord Christ but of their own appetites; and by their smooth and flattering speech they deceive the hearts of the unsuspecting” Colossians 2:8 “See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ.”)

6. Addiction is real and usually runs deeper than the addict realizes (and deeper than those who love them can see). (Proverbs 6:27 Can a man take fire in his bosom And his clothes not be burned? 1Corinthians 15:33 Do not be deceived;"Bad company corrupts good morals.")

7. One brush with a fearful situation, no matter how intense it was, is not always enough to make someone change their behavior. (Matthew 7:13 "Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. 1 Peter 5:8 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.)

8. Addicts (no matter what the addiction is) decision making skills are clouded by their intense desire to do whatever it takes to get what they want (lying, stealing, deceiving, tempting others to help cover their muddy tracks). ( 2 Peter 2:19 They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of depravity--for a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him. Galatians 6:8 The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.

9. Addictive behaviors affect more than the addict. Although until they are clean and sober, they will never recognize this fact. ( Proverbs 19:3 By his foolish behavior a man's ways are turned upside down, and his heart is bitter against the Lord. Proverbs 23:9 Do not speak in the hearing of a fool, For he will despise the wisdom of your words.

10. Doing things for all the right reasons doesn't guarantee the outcome you desire. (2 Peter 3: 8-9 But do not let this one fact escape your notice, beloved, that with the Lord one day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years like one day. The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance. Proverbs 16:9 The mind of man plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.)

As we endure different seasons and situations that may or may not be expected or what we want, we must not lose sight that....THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE!

Are You Afraid of Confrontation?

5/2/2014

“Failure to confront is permission to continue” ~ Dr. Jennifer Delger

I was listening to Moody Radio- Midday Connection the other day and Dr. Jennifer Delger was the guest. Her topic was on Emotional and Verbal Abuse. This is a topic I am familiar with and was interested to hear what Dr. Delger had to say about it.

She was informative and had several good examples of how to deal with emotional or verbal abuse. Her statement, “ Failure to confront is permission to continue,” was a huge aha moment for me. As someone who has struggled with confrontation and prefers to put things under the rug, this was something I wanted to grab ahold of and remember.

I have grown tremendously in this area, however, there are times when it would be much easier to pretend I didn't hear something (ignore truth) or pretend that what was said or done probably was not what I thought (self-doubt) or if I ignore (don't confront) it will go away.

As an ever recovering co-dependent and self doubter, I have struggled with the word “confrontation.” What I have learned over the years is that confrontation doesn't mean doom and gloom. It doesn't mean negativity. Confrontation, if done with the right motive, is necessary! Failure to confront a person or situation does allow the other person to assume you are in agreement, you don't care, or you value that person or situation more than you value yourself.

I am a firm believer in “picking and choosing your battles.” Some things really don't need to be confronted. We have to know what is our business and what isn't. We have to know our boundaries and what really matters to us.

Sometimes whomever you're confronting may not want to hear what you have to say and as I have learned that's also okay. They may not be ready to listen or agree. That is when you have to decide if boundaries are needed and how you need to proceed.

There is hope in confrontation. There is hope in speaking truth. There is hope in recognizing failure to confront is permission to continue.

There is always HOPE!

1 Peter 3:15-16 but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence; and keep a good conscience so that in the thing in which you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ will be put to shame.

Ephesians 4:15 but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ,

Are You Afraid of Aging?

3/27/2014

This weekend I will celebrate 48 years of life! I remember when I thought 40 seemed old! Now as I approach the big 50, being 40 doesn't seem old at all. If I am to live another 48 years that would make me 96 years old. Other than my father in law, I don't know many people who have lived to even be 90.

Aging has a way of showing you how fragile life is and how quickly time goes by. As a society it seems we fight aging with every new wrinkle or spot we gain. Showing your age isn't widely accepted in our culture. There is Botox and skin treatments to tighten and firm your wrinkles. Of course, plastic surgery is always available to lift and erase any and every sign of age. Between these options and the filtered lens of Hollywood, it makes it challenging to want to age gracefully or even at all.

Middle age also comes with some harsh reality's and reminders that we live in a fallen world that is full of cancers and disease's that try their best to wipe away dignity or pride. Diagnosis of such seems to steal your perception of who you are physically and emotionally. It puts everything on hold and life as you knew it comes to a screeching halt. Although, cancer and disease do not discriminate with age, aging seems to make reality of such more brazen and eminent.

With age comes the reminder that death can come at any time. There seems a constant stream of news of a neighbor, or a friend's parent, a spouse, or a famous person, who has died suddenly or unexpectedly, leaving loved ones behind to deal with grief and sorrow.

I have to ask myself; Am I afraid of aging? What does it mean to grow old gracefully? What is age really? Am I afraid of living? Am I afraid of dying? If I knew tomorrow was my last day on Earth, would I say or do anything differently than today? How should I feel about growing old? How does my faith fit in with growing old?

As I ponder these questions I am reminded of the gift that aging really is.....

But the godly will flourish like palm trees and grow strong like the cedars of Lebanon. For they are transplanted into the Lord's own house. They flourish in the courts of our God. Even in old age they will still produce fruit; they will remain vital and green. They will declare, "The Lord is just! He is my rock! There is nothing but goodness in him!" Psalm 92:12-15

But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord, I say, "You are my God." My times are in Your hand; Deliver me from the hand of my enemies and from those who persecute me. Psalm 31:14-15

A gray head is a crown of glory; It is found in the way of righteousness. Proverbs 16:31

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30

All flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls,but the word of the Lord remains forever. And this word is the good news that was preached to you. 1Peter 1:24-25

To read more about growing old without worry click HERE.

There is always Hope!