Category: Motivating

Are You Drawn to Dysfunction?

2/10/2014

Last weekend I asked my husband to take me to a movie. This may seem insignificant to some, however, to my husband he knew this was something to regard. I am not one who rushes to see the latest hyped up movie and I am selective on movies I would want to see a second time. Knowing this, you may be surprised at the movie I wanted to see. I wont keep you in suspense any longer....it was August: Osage County.

There was enough in the reviews and Facebook comments that piqued my interest and knowing that Meryl Streep and Julia Roberts were also in it made it intriguing. There is something about these types of movies that seem to lure me in with all of the dysfunction and imperfections that each character portrays.

Interestingly enough, these movies don't seem to trigger me (for those who aren't familiar with my story I have ptsd and panic/anxiety). I find myself captivated by each character and their behavior. Hoping against all hope, that the end of the movie will find each scenario neatly wrapped up and with a happily ever after ending. Sometimes, these movies do end with the outcome I hoped for and sometimes, they don't.

Why do I find myself drawn towards these types of movies? Is it the family secrets that no one talks about, but yet, they have the capability to shatter or damage relationships? Is it the selfish or greedy motives of some of the family members that's all to familiar to me? Is it the addictions that wreak havoc on not only the addict, but the entire family? Or is it the family member who tries again and again to fix or rescue the entire family dysfunction to only watch it continue on? Is it the way they blame each other for someone else's choices? Is it the way they all willingly put things under the rug in hopes that, by not talking about it, it will go away or resolve itself? Or is it that I find a peculiar, yet comforting relatability that seems to invite me in with an underlining knowing?

I believe it's all of the above...I saw both sides of my family in the characters and motives. I hoped against all hope that the end would indeed end, with everyone happy and reconciled. Spoiler alert: the movie does not end this way. In fact it ends the way I feel about my own journey, unresolved, yet still hopeful.

There are parts of my life and certain family member relationships that are resolved and full of hope and like many of you, there are also parts of my life and family relationships, that have required me to place boundaries in order to protect myself (emotionally) and my ability to move forward. There is hope in confronting truth and in trying to understand why people do what they do, but at the same time, that does not justify abuse, addiction, greed, lies, or unfavorable behavior or choices that impact others in a damaging way.

If I were to have the opportunity to talk to Barb, Karen, or Ivy (the three sisters in the movie), I would encourage them that they have the choice to stop the cycle. There IS hope and they don't have to settle. They can place boundaries. They can choose to stop sweeping things under the rug and taking responsibility for other people's choices. They can choose to courageously get to the root of their own issues and do things differently. I would emphasize to them they haven't a crossed line of no return. I would remind them God is real and He is waiting to shower them with grace, mercy, and forgiveness. And more than anything else, I would tell them to take life one day at a time, one moment at a time, and to know there is always always HOPE!

“but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31

“We are made right in God's sight when we trust in Jesus Christ to take away our sins. And we all can be saved in this same way, no matter who we are or what we have done.” Romans 3:22

(*Disclaimer: I am not promoting the movie nor the actors in the movie. I encourage you to read reviews and talk to others before you see this movie, as it has potential to trigger some people with the theme , content, and language)

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Ten Reminders To Help You Move Forward In Difficult Situations

1/7/2014

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Have you ever made a major decision for all the right reasons, and you later regretted that decision? I know I'm not alone in this, however, at the time when it became apparent that the decision made had impacted my family in a way I never imagined or expected, I felt alone, hurt, devastated, and as if, I should have known better. Shame on me for trying to do the right thing at the cost of my family.

Several months have past since my initial feelings and while I no longer feel shame for the decision made, I do still regret. The implications of certain choices are still affecting us. While I have forgiven, I struggle with completely moving forward. There were doors opened, lines crossed, and deception involved that concerned more than just this person.

As look back, I see how I allowed myself to fall into uncomfortable, yet familiar patterns, of taking responsibility for someone else's choices. I was also ignoring red flags. I wanted desperately to believe in this person and the situation, while I questioned (and was repeatedly lied to) I was hoping I was wrong. Unfortunately, I wasn't. Co-dependent patterns reared their ugly head too, I wanted to undo all the negatives and be the positive and speak life and hope into this person. While that in itself isn't wrong, it was the underlining behavior that was hindering me.

Sometimes we want something for someone more than they want it. Maybe they think they want it because they had a brush with fear, but when it comes down to making the hard choices for themselves, they may ultimately decide they aren't willing to do the hard work it takes to make the necessary changes. They find themselves gravitating towards old patterns and behaviors. It's what they know. It's familiar. They are willing to risk everything once they start the decent back to the familiar.

As I wrestle with moving forward I need to remember the following:

1. God is STILL God even in the midst of difficult seasons. (Nahum 1:7 The Lord is good, A stronghold in the day of trouble, And He knows those who take refuge in Him. Revelation 22:13 "I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end.")

2. God STILL has a plan and a purpose and will use this for His glory. (Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.)

3. Even though I was unprepared, God was not. (Jeremiah 23:24 "Can a man hide himself in hiding places So I do not see him?" declares the Lord. "Do I not fill the heavens and the earth ?" declares the Lord. 1John 3:19-20 We will know by this that we are of the truth, and will assure our heart before Him in whatever our heart condemns us; for God is greater than our heart and knows all things.)

4. I am not responsible for other peoples choices. (2 Corinthians 5:10 For all of us must appear before Christ, to be judged by him. We will each receive what we deserve, according to everything we have done, good or bad, in our bodily life. Matthew 5:37 "But let your statement be, Yes, yes ' or No, no”.)

5. The first sign of lies or deception IS a red flag that should not be ignored. (Romans 16:18 “For such men are slaves, not of our Lord Christ but of their own appetites; and by their smooth and flattering speech they deceive the hearts of the unsuspecting” Colossians 2:8 “See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ.”)

6. Addiction is real and usually runs deeper than the addict realizes (and deeper than those who love them can see). (Proverbs 6:27 Can a man take fire in his bosom And his clothes not be burned? 1Corinthians 15:33 Do not be deceived;"Bad company corrupts good morals.")

7. One brush with a fearful situation, no matter how intense it was, is not always enough to make someone change their behavior. (Matthew 7:13 "Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. 1 Peter 5:8 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.)

8. Addicts (no matter what the addiction is) decision making skills are clouded by their intense desire to do whatever it takes to get what they want (lying, stealing, deceiving, tempting others to help cover their muddy tracks). ( 2 Peter 2:19 They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of depravity--for a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him. Galatians 6:8 The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.

9. Addictive behaviors affect more than the addict. Although until they are clean and sober, they will never recognize this fact. ( Proverbs 19:3 By his foolish behavior a man's ways are turned upside down, and his heart is bitter against the Lord. Proverbs 23:9 Do not speak in the hearing of a fool, For he will despise the wisdom of your words.)

10. Doing things for all the right reasons doesn't guarantee the outcome you desire.
2 Peter 3: 8-9 But do not let this one fact escape your notice, beloved, that with the Lord one day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years like one day. The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance. Proverbs 16:9 The mind of man plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.

As we all endure different seasons and situations that may or may not be expected or what we want, we must not lose sight that....THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE!

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Do You Book End Your Day?

9/3/2013

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It seemed when I was a child life moved slowly. In my child's mind, it seemed to take longer than a year for my next birthday or the next Christmas, or the next summer, to finally arrive. Now, as I am entering my late forties, I wish the time would slow down. It seems like only yesterday I was celebrating my last birthday, I find myself thinking, Christmas AGAIN? And then it seems as soon as summer arrives, it is time for it to end, and the fall and Christmas decor is all around us in the stores and advertisements.

I am trying to find a balance in living intentionally, but not filling my days and hours with so much that I can barely appreciate what I am doing. I want to be a woman of quality and not quantity. It’s not always easy with all of the distractions of social media and other things that tempt to whittle away every available second.

As I consider my day it’s not just about managing my time (hour by hour) there is a bigger picture: finding Gods purpose and direction for me and moving forward to accomplish this. I can't do this in chaos. I need order. I also know I tend to put myself last. I don't always choose to take care of myself physically or emotionally. This leaves me open as an easy target for distraction.

The Hebrews began their day the evening before with rest, family time, fellowship, and study. In Matthew 6:33 Jesus encourages us to seek first His kingdom and righteousness (start your day). So, it seems to me, if I take both of these examples it’s similar to book ends. Begin to prepare for tomorrow by getting proper rest, family time, and study/prayer and then when you wake up begin to seek God through prayer and reading His word. I can see the benefit in book ending my days with this structure however, I also know the enemy wants to throw every distraction possible to not allow this to happen, so I can’t get discouraged when it doesn’t happen. I will chose to focus on when it does and strive each day to be a book end kind of day.

There is always hope

Be very careful, then, how you live, not as unwise, but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Matthew 5:15-16

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Do You Need a New Bible?

7/1/2013

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I was recently asked to review the new Women’s Study Bible (NIV), as someone who values a good concordance and study notes, I eagerly took the opportunity. I was not only thoroughly impressed with each feature The Women’s Study Bible offers but, found it to be an easy and informative Bible to use daily.

The Bible includes encouraging and motivating articles by Anne Graham Lotz, Stormie Omartian, Nancy Leigh DeMoss and several other well-known and respected women. Each article is short and encouraging.

The index includes a Reference Guide to the Special Features, that incorporates Annotations, Articles, Charts, Maps, Character Portraits, and Topical Notes that inspire you to dig deeper into each scripture. These features help you to gain a clearer picture of the culture, the background, the geography of that time.

I found myself drawn to the Character Portraits that offer insight and background into the women of the Bible. These Character Portraits provide an in-depth look into women we are familiar with like, Eve, Rahab, and Mary. They also include women that are not as well known, like Bernice, Junia, and Rizpah.

Even if you have a Bible that you prefer to use, I recommend getting The Women’s Study Bible (N IV) specifically for the articles and special features, as they will encourage and motivate you towards a richer understanding and deepen your Biblical insight.

O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. Psalm 63:1

There is always hope!

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Forward>>

Are You Drawn to Dysfunction?

Ten Reminders To Help You Move Forward In Difficult Situations

Do You Book End Your Day?

Do You Need a New Bible?

Sheryl Griffin

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