<![CDATA[Sheryl Griffin

<![CDATA[Sheryl Griffin - Blog]]>Wed, 05 Apr 2023 18:38:24 -0700EditMySite<![CDATA[Victim and Perpetrator ]]>Tue, 20 Sep 2016 20:30:58 GMThttp://www.sherylgriffin.com/blog/victim-and-perpetrator

July 25, 2016 is marked forever in our family as the date on my mother in law's death certificate. Although the police and coroner are relatively certain she died on July 23, 2016, however, because she wasn't found until July 25th that is the date used. The official cause of death is suicide. She shot herself on the right side of her head, her finger was still in place on the trigger when our son found her Monday July 25th, to pick her up for our family dinner and game night. She was 69 years old.

My mother in law, Michelle Griffin was a complex person. She was eccentric and conventional. She was fiercely strong and independent, yet ended up depressed and weak. She was creative, but uninspired in the end. She was an extrovert who ended up being an introvert. She was passive and aggressive. She had a fun sense of humor along with a warped sense of humor. She was colorful, but often simple. She could be profoundly generous and miserly meager. She had high expectations, yet she was filled with hopelessness. She wanted friends, but chose to isolate. She told herself she was worthy, however, she never allowed herself to believe it. She made lists and notes and wrote in journals, although in the end, there were not any notes, lists, or current journal entries. She could build you up and tear you down. She had wise advice, but never chose it for herself. She was a caretaker who didn't always take care of herself. She would follow directions or chose to “jimmy rig” whatever it was if the directions didn't suit her. She kept everything (and I mean EVERYTHING), yet maintained order. She could care less about others opinions and still be haunted by what they thought of her. She would prefer to pay a bill in person to save a stamp, yet use gas to get there. She would compliment a meal and then tell you how she would make it differently.

She believed in communication, but often miscommunicated and spoke in circles. She wanted help yet, refused all of the options. She wanted relationship but waited for others to initiate. She enjoyed rib-eye steak, fruits and vegetables, food with great flavor and smell, however in the end, she preferred to eat plain oatmeal and cottage cheese. She set boundaries and then complained when you complied. She wanted to be loved unconditionally, yet often her love had conditions. She was respectful and critical. She loved learning and pursued a successful career in nursing and law, however, she wouldn't use her knowledge for her mental or physical health benefit.

She loved California and hated Tennessee. She was afraid of being a single mother after her husband left, yet she raised an amazing son and instilled in him the very worth she needed. She was protective, yet a firm believer in young independence. She was extravagant and thrifty. She loved life and she hated life. She wanted to live and she wanted to die. She wanted us to take her to the gun shop to buy bullets (which we refused) yet she had hidden 5 bullets, two of which fit perfectly inside the small chamber of an old gun that belonged to her second husband. The other three bullets were left undiscovered only until recently, in a box amongst memorabilia waiting perhaps to be used in case she missed.

To quote a family friend who also has had to face the choice of a suicidal loved one, “My dad and I were told that suicide survivors experience "complicated grief" because the victim and the perpetrator were the same person.”

As I have dealt with my own grief and the many questions as well as guilt (Did I do enough? Was I enough? What could I have done differently?) in my quest for answers it appears there is not a magical (one size fits all) answer to helping someone you love who is depressed and suicidal. You can listen. You can pray. You can encourage. You can be there to help a much as possible and is reasonable. You can take them to doctor appointments. You can call 911. You can take them to the hospital. You can bring a meal. You can invite them to outings and events. You can create weekly family dinners and game night. You can do all of this and more, but in the end, it's still their choice. It's still their life. They have to be willing to do whatever it takes to crawl out of the valley of the shadow of death. And sometimes they just give up.

Michelle, you are missed. You are loved. You are forgiven. You are honored. You still matter. Your story isn't over because we are going to speak up and speak out and share, so that hopefully even one life can be changed and saved.

If you are struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts please seek help NOW.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 (available 24 hrs everyday)

For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

]]><![CDATA[It Might Be A Red Flag If...]]>Tue, 02 Feb 2016 21:33:33 GMThttp://www.sherylgriffin.com/blog/it-might-be-a-red-flag-if

Something I have learned over the years is the importance of not ignoring red flags. Red flags are a sign to pay attention, proceed with caution, or to be aware that boundaries may be needed, and sometimes they are an indication to STOP and walk away.

Remember red flags (usually) don't change color. I say usually because with God ALL thing are possible, however, it is important to use discernment and remember Matthew 10:16 tells us...Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.

While we are called to love others we are not called to take abuse in any form. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is place a boundary and intentionally pray for someone. Loving someone from a distance is okay.
If you struggle with understanding what a red flag may be I have compiled a list of 20 patterns or behaviors that could be red flags.

It might be a red flag if: (keep in mind we have all, at one time or another, reacted in several of these ways...what you need to be aware of is patterns, character, and attitudes.)

1. If someone continually reminds others of their credentials, experiences, etc.

2. If someone uses social media to stir negativity or share personal information about others in a passive aggressive way.

3. If a person insinuates they are always the victim or does not take responsibility.

4. If the person uses shame and intimidation to get what they want, keep others at bay, or take the focus off of them.

5. If a person is overly concerned about what others think of them.

6. If a person reminds others often of what they have done to help them.

7. You notice patterns of behavior, words, or attitudes that don't measure up with who they say they are.

8. You notice a pattern of alcohol or drug abuse/addiction.

9. Uses language (curse words), loud/yelling voice, or shaming to control you or the situation.

10. Justifies their (bad/negative) behavior.

11. If a person has a pattern of calling others out on social media in a way that does not walk towards reconciliation or hope.

12. If a person has a tendency to be involved or starts heated arguments or debates.

13. If you begin to notice certain things simply do not add up.

14. If a person tells outrageous stories that may or may not be true.

15. If a person has a history of lying or exaggerating.

16. If a person is defensive.

17.If a person rushes into friendships or relationships with unrealistic expectations.

18. If a person is very critical.

19. If a person lashes out if you disagree or don't go along with what they want.

20. If a person gossips or says inappropriate things about others.

This is by no means a complete list. Only you can know if you are seeing a red flag and if a boundary is needed. Keep your eyes and ears open. Do not deny or validate red flags. If you are in a relationship with someone that exhibits any of these qualities on a regular basis, I encourage you to seek help through your church, a trusted friend, and counseling. Like anything else, the first step is acknowledgment. The second step is understanding what you need to do about it.

A wise counselor once told me, “ These type of people are all around us and while we can't control them, we can begin to see the red flags and put things in place so that we don't get sucked into their drama.” And if we have somehow found our self stuck in the middle of their drama we can choose to place boundaries at any time. We can love from a distance and never cease praying.

There is always HOPE!

]]><![CDATA[Woman Redeemed...There is Hope in...]]>Wed, 02 Sep 2015 19:06:14 GMThttp://www.sherylgriffin.com/blog/woman-redeemedthere-is-hope-in

For the month of September I am a guest blogger for Woman Redeemed, a blog created for women to encourage one another in the valleys and peaks of life. Woman Redeemed offer tools, insights, and hope, with real life struggles and success stories. It's a safe place to take your mask off and know that you're not alone!

The theme I chose for September is...Finding Hope in...

The first week of September is Finding Hope in Forgiveness.
Is it possible to find hope in forgiveness? Sheryl Griffin shares three areas of forgiveness that are key to opening a door of hope in our lives and relationships.

The second week of September is Finding Hope in Boundaries.
In order to see boundaries as the positive that they are, you have to first see yourself as valuable. You matter! In this blog Sheryl Griffin describes the importance of boundaries

The third week of September is Finding Hope in Confrontation.
Do you have a difficult time with confrontation? Many of us do! In this blog Sheryl Griffin lists ten things to consider before and during a confrontation.

The fourth week of September is Finding Hope in Failure.
Feeling like a failure affects everyone at one time or another. In this blog Sheryl shares five keys to help you begin to see hope in failure.

I invite you to read all four posts by clicking on the links provided. Comments, questions, or thoughts are always welcome at Woman Redeemed or email me directly.

There is always HOPE!

You are my hiding place and my shield; I HOPE in your word. Psalm 119:114

]]><![CDATA[10 Things To Do To Take Your Marriage Back]]>Wed, 04 Mar 2015 23:35:27 GMThttp://www.sherylgriffin.com/blog/10-things-to-do-to-take-your-marriage-back

It seems that marriages all around me, from friends to family members are suddenly giving up. Why does divorce seem so rampant right now? Why are they believing the lie that they would be better off without their spouse.

It seems in each situation that I personally know about, somewhere along the line, spiritual armor was dropped and busyness overtook quality time. This guarantees an open door for temptations, as well as, the potential for old unhealthy habits to reemerge and wreck havoc in your marriage. Then starts the cycle of disappointment, my needs are not being met-so-your needs are not going to get met, anger, poor judgment, and disillusionment.

As a divorced woman I am not judging or pointing fingers. While it's clear that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16a “For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel), it is also clear the reason He hates divorce is because it breaks a covenant (promise) made at the time of a marriage between a man and a woman. Divorce opens the door for remarriage, which in itself is not a sin but, it does violate the intended pattern that God established when He created one wife for Adam at the beginning of time.

I firmly believe divorce may be necessary in the case of abuse (physical, emotional, or verbal) or unrepentant (intentional and continuing) sin choices that can affect the family or others in negative or unhealthy ways (i.e. adultery, gambling, alcoholism, drug addictions, etc).

My heart breaks for friends and family members who have succumbed to the worlds belief that divorce is somehow the answer to all their problems. If you are in a situation where there is not abuse or on-going unrepentant sin that is affecting you in a negative or unhealthy way, then I want to challenge you to consider these ten things before you give up!

1. Write down how you met your spouse and what first attracted you to him/her.

2. Make a list of memories you have made together (vacations, traditions, events you have attended together, birth or adoption of children, holidays, first kiss, movies, music, or books you have enjoyed together, pets you have shared, nicknames, or silly things you have said to one another in happier times, etc).

3. Write down your needs and desires that are not currently being met (without blaming or finger pointing) and a realistic plan that involves both of you being successful in meeting these needs/desire.

4. Be open and willing to hearing from each other and intentional to pursue one another's needs/desires together.

5. Be willing to face the hardest part- which is- the root issue....what is at the very core of your unhappiness? Be specific....Fear of abandonment? Fear in general?Resentment? Lack of control? Depression? Jealousy? Anger? Co-dependency? Destructive behaviors/choices? Feeling unappreciated?

6. Do you know your Love Language? Do you know your spouses Love Language? If so, what can you do to speak it to him/her today? If not, CLICK HERE to find out what your Love Language is, ask your spouse to take the test too and then compare your Love Languages. Write down ways that your spouse can realistically speak your Love Language to you every day. Be receptive to the ways your spouse suggests you can speak his/her Love Language.

7. Be willing to seek help with a qualified marriage counselor.

8. Remember forgiveness does not come with an eraser but, it does come with grace. It will take time to rebuild what has been torn down. While you don't want to rush towards reconciliation (lest, you not fully get to the root), you also don't want to become stagnate. A steady intentional pace is best.

9. You can't undo what has been said or done but, you can choose to move forward together.

10. Be willing to invest your time, money, and heart towards hope in your marriage!

There is always HOPE!

*******************************************************************************************
For my local readers Music City Church in Nashville is hosting a Marriage Conference:Take Your Marriage Back. Join us, Friday, March 27, 2015 6pm-10pm. Ramon Presson, PhD and licensed marriage & family therapist, is our Speaker, and Jazz recording artist Debbie Cunningham is our music guest. Dinner provided by Amicos and dessert by Angels of Mine Cakes. Door prizes and goody bags await every couple and after the event you will have the opportunity to continue your date night just a little longer by choosing from one of Date Night Experiences. To register or for more information please visit Music City Church and be prepared to Take Your Marriage Back.

]]><![CDATA[You Are Not Alone]]>Thu, 22 Jan 2015 19:49:21 GMThttp://www.sherylgriffin.com/blog/you-are-not-alone(Today January 22, 2015 is the forty first anniversary of Roe vs. Wade and the legalization of abortion. I am posting blogs I have previously posted to bring attention to the common thread among those of us (men and women) who have chosen abortion and suffer with regret, guilt or shame. You are NOT alone and there IS hope!)

(Originally posted Wednesday, January 22, 2013)

January 22, 2013 marked forty years since abortion became legal in the United States. This December, will mark thirty two years ago, since my first abortion. This is not something I am proud about, nor is it something I would choose ever again.

When I speak on the topic of Forgiveness I share my testimony on abortion and learning to walk through forgiving others, forgiving myself, and learning to accept God's forgiveness.

I had the opportunity to share a little bit of my testimony on this topic as a guest on 94Fm The Fish. Here are the links to the two breaks we did.  Sharing with Doug and Jaci on The Fish part 1 and Sharing with Doug and Jaci on The Fish part 2

During the interview I mention a retreat I went on with a small group of women who also had abortion in their past.   If you have abortion in your past, I highly recommend attending this retreat or a similar program. Click here for more information on this retreat.

To read more about my experience and hope after abortion here are two other blogs previously posted one in February 2011  I am Pro Life but... and another I wrote in February 2012, titled Life After Abortion.

One of the comments that continues to come up after someone finds out about my past with abortion is...."I thought I was the only one!" So many women (and men) suffer in silence with guilt and shame because, they think they are the only person who has professed to be a Christian, and yet has abortion in their past. We tend to categorize sin and add our interpretation of what may or may not be forgivable. When we focus on what God say's about sin, we understand that sin is sin, and God hates all sin, because it separates us from Him. We also need to remember there is nothing new under the sun and when Christ died on the cross, He knew what He was doing for, He knew who He was doing it for, and He knew why He was doing it.

Ecclesiastes 1:9 That which has been is that which will be,And that which has been done is that which will be done.So there is nothing new under the sun.

Ephesians 1:7 In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace.

Psalm 103:12 As far as the east is from the west, so far He removed our transgressions from us.

There is always HOPE!

]]><![CDATA[Five Facts About Grief]]>Thu, 15 Jan 2015 21:25:51 GMThttp://www.sherylgriffin.com/blog/five-facts-about-grief

Grief is a word that conjures up images of sadness, despair, and even fear. Grief is a word no one wants to endure. We can experience grief over the death of a loved one, a broken relationship, the unexpected loss of a job or career, a medical diagnosis, a broken trust, unmet relationship expectations, and the list can go on and on. Grief and what brings us to the state of grief looks and feels differently for everyone.

Several years ago it was brought to my attention by my trusted psychologist, that I had a fear of grief. At first I thought that was absurd. How can I be afraid of a “feeling?” After talking about it for a while, I knew she was correct. I was afraid of grief! I was terrified to allow myself to experience the depth that comes with grief and sorrow.

Since early childhood I had been conditioned (unintentionally) not to show many emotions outside of joy and happiness. I learned at a young age to stuff fear, disappointment, anger, and pain deep inside my heart. This behaviour unfortunately led to co-dependent patterns and people pleasing approaches that ultimately led to an abusive unhealthy first marriage.

I have since learned that while grief is not pleasant it is also not something to fear.

Five Facts About Grief

1. Grief is an emotion that God created...there is a time and a purpose for every season and emotion in life.

2. Everyone experiences grief at different levels...there is not a right or specific way to grieve or to experience/feel it.

3. Jesus Himself allowed grief, sorrow, and mourning into His life. ( John 11:33-35, Matthew 21:12-13, Matthew 27:46)

4. Grief is a process. There is not a specific pattern, length, or solution for grief other than to go through it. Each situation is unique. Each person will go through the process differently.

5. Ignoring, diminishing, or trying to avoid grief or sorrow does not make “it” go away.

Give yourself the grace to grieve. Seek support and prayer from trusted sources. Lean into your faith and know that at times it may not feel like it but, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted (Matthew 5:4), "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose"(Romans 8:28), and "The Lord is near the brokenhearted." (Psalm 34:18)

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—A time to give birth and a time to die; A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted. A time to kill and a time to heal; A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance. A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones; A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing. A time to search and a time to give up as lost; A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear apart and a time to sew together; A time to be silent and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate; A time for war and a time for peace. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Click HERE to listen to David Crowder's song Come As You Are

Click HERE to read more about Complicated Grief

Click HERE to read more about Understand the Grieving Process

There is always HOPE!

]]><![CDATA[Real Life Interview's For CTN]]>Tue, 16 Dec 2014 21:12:31 GMThttp://www.sherylgriffin.com/blog/real-life-interviews-for-ctn

Spring 2014, my husband Doug and I, were interviewed by Jay Edgarton for a new television series titled Real Life on CTN. Jay had asked us to share about our experience and testimony on abortion. This is not an easy subject to talk about and neither my husband nor I are proud that we have this in our past. We are willing to share publicly because we know the "cost" of choosing abortion. We know the regret, guilt, and shame, that for many, come with this choice.

The choice of abortion can affect men and women in ways that you don't recognize until you begin the forgiveness and healing process. I am proud of my husband for his transparency and willingness to share his story along with me.

There is forgiveness and hope. You are not alone. You are not the only christian with this choice in your past.

This interview is a small window into the topic of abortion for me. This is not my full story (nor are the images used mine). If you're interested or have a desire for a speaker that will share honestly, transparently, and leave you with HOPE, please email me at Sheryl@SherylGriffin.com for more information.

Sheryl's Real Life Story

Doug's Real Life Story

]]><![CDATA[Book Signing, Music, Food, Giveaways, And More...]]>Fri, 01 Aug 2014 22:21:21 GMThttp://www.sherylgriffin.com/blog/book-signing-music-food-giveaways-and-moreBook Signing for A Scarlet Cord of Hope (updated and expanded)

WHEN: Friday August 8, 2014
WHERE: Music City Church 5240 Edmondson Pike Nashville, TN
TIME: 6:30-8:00
WHAT ELSE: A FREE (mini) concert by Jaci Velasquez and Nic Gonzales (from Salvador), FREE food from Chick Fil A Rivergate, Giveaways, 94FM The Fish will be there, and THANKS to a generous anonymous donor the first 50 people to purchase a copy of A Scarlet Cord of Hope (at the event) will receive a FREE copy to give to someone!

Also a BIG thank you to Nelson Mazda and Cool Springs MD for their generous support and sponsorship for advertising on 94FM The Fish.

]]><![CDATA[What, Why, and When of Boundaries- Part Two]]>Fri, 18 Jul 2014 15:30:02 GMThttp://www.sherylgriffin.com/blog/what-why-and-when-of-boundaries-part-twoYesterday I focused on the what and why of boundaries....today the focus will be on the when. When are boundaries necessary? How will you know IF a boundary is needed?

Unfortunately, there isn't a one size fits all when it comes to boundaries and knowing when to place them. Each situation and personality is unique, and what works for one, may not work for another. Sometimes you will need to dig deeper into the situation before you know what and when a particular boundary is needed.

Key Questions To Ask Yourself (When or If A Boundary Is Necessary):

1. Is this person or situation causing you to feel uncomfortable, anxious, angry, guilty, or ashamed?

2. Is this person or situation causing you to neglect your relationship with God, your spouse, children, or family?

3. Is this person or situation causing you to disregard your personal needs (emotionally, spiritually, academically, financially, or physically)?

4. Is this person or situation placing you in an unhealthy or potentially dangerous situation?

5. Is this person or situation inviting you (willingly or unwilling) to go against standards, values, expectations, or morals that require secretiveness that if found out would create stress, anxiety, fear, or concern to those who know you and care about your well-being?

In order to effectively answer these questions in any given situation you need to know yourself well (what do you think, feel, believe etc) and you must be willing to recognize that you have a personal responsibility and accountability before God. While there IS grace, mercy, and forgiveness for those who are truly repentant, there is still accountability and we will answer before God. There is an immense difference in supporting, encouraging, and being a team player, or even a "good friend," and that of being uncomfortable, stressed, or feel the need to be secretive due to guilt, shame, or not wanting accountability.

Areas Where Boundaries May Be Necessary:

1. Over committing. Some people are great at delegating and filling positions or responsibilities, however, there is a fine line in feeling guilty and in taking reasonable responsibility. We can't fill every need and responsibility especially at the expense of one of the Key Questions listed above. Find the balance and if your plate is genuinely full it's okay to say, "No." This may not be your season and that is okay. Sometimes we step up only because someone needs to do it or we have been asked and are afraid to say,"No." When we step in for these reasons it becomes a quality over quantity issue. Guilt over desire. Be committed to being a quality volunteer or doer. Be aware of only saying, "Yes" because you are to afraid to say, "No."

2. Some people are more needy than others and if you tend to be a care giver type or a leader it is easy for others to monopolize your time and zap your emotional or physical energy, all without malicious intent. These boundaries are challenging to enforce because it usually involves family or close friends and there is a genuine need that is not manipulative. It's important to be able to place whatever boundaries may be necessary in order to maintain a quality relationship. Be committed to being fully present, fully engaged, and being a quality care giver or leader within your family or circle of close friends and this will help you know what those particular boundaries may need to look like and feel like.

3. If someone is asking you to compromise your values, morals, or beliefs to justify their behavior or desires, that is clearly a red flag. If you feel obligated out of guilt, fear, or coerced, you need to place a firm boundary and quite possibly consider removing yourself from this persons life. This is a red flag of a potential abuser or manipulator. Red flags usually don't change color.

Recognizing boundary needs is not easy, however, once you begin to see boundaries as a positive and a way to be more effective and present within your family, circle of friends, church, work, etc. you will find yourself feeling more confident and hopeful!

Remember healthy boundaries allow you to have empathy (understanding) for others without taking responsibility for them. Finding a balance between taking care of yourself (emotionally) and being there for others, without being manipulated, abused, or intimidated (whether intentionally or not).

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23

For nothing will be impossible with God. Luke 1:3

There is always HOPE!

]]><![CDATA[What, Why, and When of Boundaries- Part One]]>Thu, 17 Jul 2014 21:13:10 GMThttp://www.sherylgriffin.com/blog/what-why-and-when-of-boundaries-part-oneBoundaries can conjure up a negative picture. I use to think of boundaries as intimidating or harsh. I would feel guilty or wrong for thinking of placing a boundary in a relationship. What I know now is that boundaries are safe. Boundaries are good. Boundaries define you in your values, beliefs, and character.

Those of us who struggle with co-dependency and low self-esteem tend to have a hard time understanding and embracing boundaries. We become comfortable staying within other peoples boundaries versus creating our own, mostly out of fear of hurting or disappointing someone.

Healthy boundaries allow you to have empathy (understanding) for others without taking responsibility for them. Finding a balance between taking care of yourself (emotionally) and being there for others, without being manipulated, abused, or intimidated (whether intentionally or not).

Once you decide to place specific boundaries it will be a process of following through. There will be people in your life (and even the devil) who will work hard to gray your line (your boundary) and before you know it, you begin to move across or allow in slowly, but steadily the very things, situations, or people you originally tried to protect yourself from.

Boundaries are connected to self-worth and by seeing yourself as "worthy" you recognize that you are intentionally and purposefully created by God. You matter!

For you created my inmost being: you knit me together in my mothers womb.
Psalm 139:13

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart. Jeremiah 1:5

Authors Dr.Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend have said in their book, Boundaries "You are the one who must take control of the aspects of your life and exercise the freedom and responsibility that God has given you. And remember, where He has given you control, He will hold you accountable."

We are each responsible and accountable for our own actions and choices. It's not our place to answer for someone else or to own their responsibility. It's also not up to others to be responsible for our choices. If you find yourself running in the "victim circle" take ownership and move forward.

Something to ask yourself:
1. Is there an area or relationship in your life where you need to consider placing a boundary?
2. Have you allowed or made someone else responsible for your choices or actions?

If you answered yes to either one of these questions....what are you willing to do TODAY to move forward in a healthy way?

There is always HOPE!

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