Category: Encouraging - Sheryl Griffin

Are You Afraid of Confrontation?

5/2/2014

“Failure to confront is permission to continue” ~ Dr. Jennifer Delger

I was listening to Moody Radio- Midday Connection the other day and Dr. Jennifer Delger was the guest. Her topic was on Emotional and Verbal Abuse. This is a topic I am familiar with and was interested to hear what Dr. Delger had to say about it.

She was informative and had several good examples of how to deal with emotional or verbal abuse. Her statement, “ Failure to confront is permission to continue,” was a huge aha moment for me. As someone who has struggled with confrontation and prefers to put things under the rug, this was something I wanted to grab ahold of and remember.

I have grown tremendously in this area, however, there are times when it would be much easier to pretend I didn't hear something (ignore truth) or pretend that what was said or done probably was not what I thought (self-doubt) or if I ignore (don't confront) it will go away.

As an ever recovering co-dependent and self doubter, I have struggled with the word “confrontation.” What I have learned over the years is that confrontation doesn't mean doom and gloom. It doesn't mean negativity. Confrontation, if done with the right motive, is necessary! Failure to confront a person or situation does allow the other person to assume you are in agreement, you don't care, or you value that person or situation more than you value yourself.

I am a firm believer in “picking and choosing your battles.” Some things really don't need to be confronted. We have to know what is our business and what isn't. We have to know our boundaries and what really matters to us.

Sometimes whomever you're confronting may not want to hear what you have to say and as I have learned that's also okay. They may not be ready to listen or agree. That is when you have to decide if boundaries are needed and how you need to proceed.

There is hope in confrontation. There is hope in speaking truth. There is hope in recognizing failure to confront is permission to continue.

There is always HOPE!

1 Peter 3:15-16 but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence; and keep a good conscience so that in the thing in which you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ will be put to shame.

Ephesians 4:15 but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ,

Are You Afraid of Aging?

3/27/2014

This weekend I will celebrate 48 years of life! I remember when I thought 40 seemed old! Now as I approach the big 50, being 40 doesn't seem old at all. If I am to live another 48 years that would make me 96 years old. Other than my father in law, I don't know many people who have lived to even be 90.

Aging has a way of showing you how fragile life is and how quickly time goes by. As a society it seems we fight aging with every new wrinkle or spot we gain. Showing your age isn't widely accepted in our culture. There is Botox and skin treatments to tighten and firm your wrinkles. Of course, plastic surgery is always available to lift and erase any and every sign of age. Between these options and the filtered lens of Hollywood, it makes it challenging to want to age gracefully or even at all.

Middle age also comes with some harsh reality's and reminders that we live in a fallen world that is full of cancers and disease's that try their best to wipe away dignity or pride. Diagnosis of such seems to steal your perception of who you are physically and emotionally. It puts everything on hold and life as you knew it comes to a screeching halt. Although, cancer and disease do not discriminate with age, aging seems to make reality of such more brazen and eminent.

With age comes the reminder that death can come at any time. There seems a constant stream of news of a neighbor, or a friend's parent, a spouse, or a famous person, who has died suddenly or unexpectedly, leaving loved ones behind to deal with grief and sorrow.

I have to ask myself; Am I afraid of aging? What does it mean to grow old gracefully? What is age really? Am I afraid of living? Am I afraid of dying? If I knew tomorrow was my last day on Earth, would I say or do anything differently than today? How should I feel about growing old? How does my faith fit in with growing old?

As I ponder these questions I am reminded of the gift that aging really is.....

But the godly will flourish like palm trees and grow strong like the cedars of Lebanon. For they are transplanted into the Lord's own house. They flourish in the courts of our God. Even in old age they will still produce fruit; they will remain vital and green. They will declare, "The Lord is just! He is my rock! There is nothing but goodness in him!" Psalm 92:12-15

But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord, I say, "You are my God." My times are in Your hand; Deliver me from the hand of my enemies and from those who persecute me. Psalm 31:14-15

A gray head is a crown of glory; It is found in the way of righteousness. Proverbs 16:31

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30

All flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls,but the word of the Lord remains forever. And this word is the good news that was preached to you. 1Peter 1:24-25

To read more about growing old without worry click HERE.

There is always Hope!

Are You Drawn to Dysfunction?

2/10/2014

Last weekend I asked my husband to take me to a movie. This may seem insignificant to some, however, to my husband he knew this was something to regard. I am not one who rushes to see the latest hyped up movie and I am selective on movies I would want to see a second time. Knowing this, you may be surprised at the movie I wanted to see. I wont keep you in suspense any longer....it was August: Osage County.

There was enough in the reviews and Facebook comments that piqued my interest and knowing that Meryl Streep and Julia Roberts were also in it made it intriguing. There is something about these types of movies that seem to lure me in with all of the dysfunction and imperfections that each character portrays.

Interestingly enough, these movies don't seem to trigger me (for those who aren't familiar with my story I have ptsd and panic/anxiety). I find myself captivated by each character and their behavior. Hoping against all hope, that the end of the movie will find each scenario neatly wrapped up and with a happily ever after ending. Sometimes, these movies do end with the outcome I hoped for and sometimes, they don't.

Why do I find myself drawn towards these types of movies? Is it the family secrets that no one talks about, but yet, they have the capability to shatter or damage relationships? Is it the selfish or greedy motives of some of the family members that's all to familiar to me? Is it the addictions that wreak havoc on not only the addict, but the entire family? Or is it the family member who tries again and again to fix or rescue the entire family dysfunction to only watch it continue on? Is it the way they blame each other for someone else's choices? Is it the way they all willingly put things under the rug in hopes that, by not talking about it, it will go away or resolve itself? Or is it that I find a peculiar, yet comforting relatability that seems to invite me in with an underlining knowing?

I believe it's all of the above...I saw both sides of my family in the characters and motives. I hoped against all hope that the end would indeed end, with everyone happy and reconciled. Spoiler alert: the movie does not end this way. In fact it ends the way I feel about my own journey, unresolved, yet still hopeful.

There are parts of my life and certain family member relationships that are resolved and full of hope and like many of you, there are also parts of my life and family relationships, that have required me to place boundaries in order to protect myself (emotionally) and my ability to move forward. There is hope in confronting truth and in trying to understand why people do what they do, but at the same time, that does not justify abuse, addiction, greed, lies, or unfavorable behavior or choices that impact others in a damaging way.

If I were to have the opportunity to talk to Barb, Karen, or Ivy (the three sisters in the movie), I would encourage them that they have the choice to stop the cycle. There IS hope and they don't have to settle. They can place boundaries. They can choose to stop sweeping things under the rug and taking responsibility for other people's choices. They can choose to courageously get to the root of their own issues and do things differently. I would emphasize to them they haven't a crossed line of no return. I would remind them God is real and He is waiting to shower them with grace, mercy, and forgiveness. And more than anything else, I would tell them to take life one day at a time, one moment at a time, and to know there is always always HOPE!

“but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31

“We are made right in God's sight when we trust in Jesus Christ to take away our sins. And we all can be saved in this same way, no matter who we are or what we have done.” Romans 3:22

(*Disclaimer: I am not promoting the movie nor the actors in the movie. I encourage you to read reviews and talk to others before you see this movie, as it has potential to trigger some people with the theme , content, and language)

Ten Reminders To Help You Move Forward In Difficult Situations

1/7/2014

Have you ever made a major decision for all the right reasons, and you later regretted that decision? I know I'm not alone in this, however, at the time when it became apparent that the decision made had impacted my family in a way I never imagined or expected, I felt alone, hurt, devastated, and as if, I should have known better. Shame on me for trying to do the right thing at the cost of my family.

Several months have past since my initial feelings and while I no longer feel shame for the decision made, I do still regret. The implications of certain choices are still affecting us. While I have forgiven, I struggle with completely moving forward. There were doors opened, lines crossed, and deception involved that concerned more than just this person.

As look back, I see how I allowed myself to fall into uncomfortable, yet familiar patterns, of taking responsibility for someone else's choices. I was also ignoring red flags. I wanted desperately to believe in this person and the situation, while I questioned (and was repeatedly lied to) I was hoping I was wrong. Unfortunately, I wasn't. Co-dependent patterns reared their ugly head too, I wanted to undo all the negatives and be the positive and speak life and hope into this person. While that in itself isn't wrong, it was the underlining behavior that was hindering me.

Sometimes we want something for someone more than they want it. Maybe they think they want it because they had a brush with fear, but when it comes down to making the hard choices for themselves, they may ultimately decide they aren't willing to do the hard work it takes to make the necessary changes. They find themselves gravitating towards old patterns and behaviors. It's what they know. It's familiar. They are willing to risk everything once they start the decent back to the familiar.

As I wrestle with moving forward I need to remember the following:

1. God is STILL God even in the midst of difficult seasons. (Nahum 1:7 The Lord is good, A stronghold in the day of trouble, And He knows those who take refuge in Him. Revelation 22:13 "I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end.")

2. God STILL has a plan and a purpose and will use this for His glory. (Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.)

3. Even though I was unprepared, God was not. (Jeremiah 23:24 "Can a man hide himself in hiding places So I do not see him?" declares the Lord. "Do I not fill the heavens and the earth ?" declares the Lord. 1John 3:19-20 We will know by this that we are of the truth, and will assure our heart before Him in whatever our heart condemns us; for God is greater than our heart and knows all things.)

4. I am not responsible for other peoples choices. (2 Corinthians 5:10 For all of us must appear before Christ, to be judged by him. We will each receive what we deserve, according to everything we have done, good or bad, in our bodily life. Matthew 5:37 "But let your statement be, Yes, yes ' or No, no”.)

5. The first sign of lies or deception IS a red flag that should not be ignored. (Romans 16:18 “For such men are slaves, not of our Lord Christ but of their own appetites; and by their smooth and flattering speech they deceive the hearts of the unsuspecting” Colossians 2:8 “See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ.”)

6. Addiction is real and usually runs deeper than the addict realizes (and deeper than those who love them can see). (Proverbs 6:27 Can a man take fire in his bosom And his clothes not be burned? 1Corinthians 15:33 Do not be deceived;"Bad company corrupts good morals.")

7. One brush with a fearful situation, no matter how intense it was, is not always enough to make someone change their behavior. (Matthew 7:13 "Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. 1 Peter 5:8 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.)

8. Addicts (no matter what the addiction is) decision making skills are clouded by their intense desire to do whatever it takes to get what they want (lying, stealing, deceiving, tempting others to help cover their muddy tracks). ( 2 Peter 2:19 They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of depravity--for a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him. Galatians 6:8 The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.

9. Addictive behaviors affect more than the addict. Although until they are clean and sober, they will never recognize this fact. ( Proverbs 19:3 By his foolish behavior a man's ways are turned upside down, and his heart is bitter against the Lord. Proverbs 23:9 Do not speak in the hearing of a fool, For he will despise the wisdom of your words.)

10. Doing things for all the right reasons doesn't guarantee the outcome you desire.
2 Peter 3: 8-9 But do not let this one fact escape your notice, beloved, that with the Lord one day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years like one day. The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance. Proverbs 16:9 The mind of man plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.

As we all endure different seasons and situations that may or may not be expected or what we want, we must not lose sight that....THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE!

Be Careful Little Eyes What You See. Be Careful Little Feet Where You Go

9/6/2013

After reading a blog titled FYI (if you're a teenage girl), I was challenged and inspired as a mom of a fifteen year old boy. Blogger, Kim Hall, shares openly and respectfully her thoughts on her three teenage sons (and younger daughter) social media use, and adds that as a family, they stay connected and involved in all of their children's social media. I encourage you to read her blog (click here).

I am not as diligent as Mrs. Hall, however, I am involved. I often look through all of my sons social media outlets (and yes, we do have all his passwords). Her focus was on teen girls who post provocative or inappropriate (according to her family standards) pictures of themselves. When I come across someone that my son follows on any of his social media outlets, I make a point not to base my opinion on one comment or picture. I will scroll through, and if in my opinion, there seems to be a pattern of acceptance of something my husband and I deem inappropriate for our son to see or read, I will have my son unfollow that person.

I have my son unfollow those who appear to have pictures or quotes that promote drugs, marijuana usage, sexual or provocative content, F-bombs, or anything else I consider questionable or inappropriate. Just because I consider something to be questionable or inappropriate, that is not judgement, that is simply me exercising a personal boundary within my comfort zone and beliefs.

I know I don’t catch everything, and honestly that is not my goal, because I ultimately want my son to learn to self-regulate and make good choices. If I have my son unfollow someone it’s not that I am being judgmental or that I think that person is wrong. I am simply trying to be the one who influences my child more than you (the world). After all, he is my child and it’s up to me to raise him and impart the values and morals that my husband and I feel are important. It is impossible now days to filter everything because as a society, I feel we have continued to become more and more desensitized to sex, drug usage, marijuana usage, vulgar language, and nudity (even porn). None of this is new and I know parents have been fighting this battle forever.

There was also another blog I recently read that in my opinion, gave a little more balance to Mrs. Hall's blog. Nate Pyle writes as a father to his son about taking personal inventory and being a man of integrity more than placing the responsibility on "the world" or women, as far as what his eyes see and linger on, in his blog Seeing a Woman: A conversation between a father and son.

Self-control is a challenging fruit of the spirit to continually master, one that I pray my son will strive to maintain. While I agree and applaud Mr. Pyle, I also concur that Mrs. Hall has valid points as well.

Ultimately it’s up to each family (parents) to decide what is appropriate for the children and teens and what isn't. I have taught my son that it is important to be aware of what you post, say, like, or comment on, because whether you like it or not there are parents like Mrs. Hall or myself (and several of my friends) who are watching and while I am not deeming you guilty (because I have a past and I am a believer in second chances, grace, and mercy),I am staying involved, because as I said earlier, this is about my son and I want to be the one who influences him the most. When he is an adult he will get the chance to decide what he chooses to embrace or not, of the values and morals my husband and I believe in, until then, as I tell my son, he is stuck with me and I love him more than he can imagine.

If you're still with me and I hope you are, I would like to give you one last thing to consider...the song Slow Fade by Casting Crowns

There is always HOPE!

*Disclaimer: I am not saying my son has never posted or liked something that he later realized was not along the lines of our family values... and I will continue to be involved in how he presents himself in the world of social media, as well as those whom he follows.

Heaven or Hell Bound?

9/4/2013

One of the most talked about subjects on Facebook this morning had to do with the notorious kidnapper and rapist, Ariel Castro. He committed suicide by hanging himself one month after receiving life in prison without parole for his crimes. The three women he kidnapped, held hostage, tormented, abused, defiled, as well as many other things, were able to break free after ten years under his sick perverted watch. It is every woman's worst fear and every mothers nightmare. These three woman and one child (that Ariel fathered) are alive and living. The out pouring of love and support from people all over the world has been incredible. While I am relieved these women, and the young six year old girl, will have an opportunity to live a life free from the bondage's of evil, they most certainly have a long road of recovery ahead of them.

As for Ariel, I must confess my flesh wishes he would have endured the same treatment he gave to his victims, however, that is why I am not God. Doctors can assume what they think medically and psychologically, and we the people can debate, but the One who knows beyond a shadow of a doubt, is God. Was his mind so deluded with mental illness that he truly couldn't comprehend what he was doing? Or was he fully aware and filled with pure evil? This is where I find myself wrestling in my spirit. I believe firmly in God's grace and mercy. I also believe God is just. No one but Ariel and God know exactly where Ariel's heart, head, and soul were during the last seconds of his breath. I confess, I don't want to consider that maybe he was truly remorseful and repentant and God in His mercy forgave him of his crimes. In which case God is just and I believe Ariel will still face judgement and have to answer for his crimes.

Maybe he remained defiant and selfish in his last moments, never seeking true forgiveness with God for his actions, and never caring about his crimes, or what he did to the three young woman and their families. In which case, I firmly believe he was placed into hell for eternity. That is a much more substantial sentence than anyone here on earth could ever impose on him. He has alot more to fear now that he is dead than when he was alive.

I believe once you die there are only two options: Heaven or Hell. Whichever place you end up in, that is your final destination. There are no second chances. No escape. Never ending. For infinity you are there- PERIOD!

My hope and prayer is for the three women and the six year old little girl, that God will continue to shower them with love, support, and new beginnings. That somehow, they will be able to process all that they have endured and know that God is real and God is just. Even though we don't understand why some things happen we can trust that ultimately what others desire for evil, God will use for His glory and for good.

You plotted evil against me, but God turned it into good, in order to preserve the lives of many people who are alive today because of what happened. Genesis 50:20 (Good News Translation)

'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13 (New American Standard)

Click here for a clip of the young women thanking those who have helped and supported them.

If you're unsure where you will spend eternity email me and I will share the Gospel with you and pray for you.

There is always HOPE!

Do You Book End Your Day?

9/3/2013

It seemed when I was a child life moved slowly. In my child's mind, it seemed to take longer than a year for my next birthday or the next Christmas, or the next summer, to finally arrive. Now, as I am entering my late forties, I wish the time would slow down. It seems like only yesterday I was celebrating my last birthday, I find myself thinking, Christmas AGAIN? And then it seems as soon as summer arrives, it is time for it to end, and the fall and Christmas decor is all around us in the stores and advertisements.

I am trying to find a balance in living intentionally, but not filling my days and hours with so much that I can barely appreciate what I am doing. I want to be a woman of quality and not quantity. It’s not always easy with all of the distractions of social media and other things that tempt to whittle away every available second.

As I consider my day it’s not just about managing my time (hour by hour) there is a bigger picture: finding Gods purpose and direction for me and moving forward to accomplish this. I can't do this in chaos. I need order. I also know I tend to put myself last. I don't always choose to take care of myself physically or emotionally. This leaves me open as an easy target for distraction.

The Hebrews began their day the evening before with rest, family time, fellowship, and study. In Matthew 6:33 Jesus encourages us to seek first His kingdom and righteousness (start your day). So, it seems to me, if I take both of these examples it’s similar to book ends. Begin to prepare for tomorrow by getting proper rest, family time, and study/prayer and then when you wake up begin to seek God through prayer and reading His word. I can see the benefit in book ending my days with this structure however, I also know the enemy wants to throw every distraction possible to not allow this to happen, so I can’t get discouraged when it doesn’t happen. I will chose to focus on when it does and strive each day to be a book end kind of day.

There is always hope

Be very careful, then, how you live, not as unwise, but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Matthew 5:15-16

Do You Need a New Bible?

7/1/2013

I was recently asked to review the new Women’s Study Bible (NIV), as someone who values a good concordance and study notes, I eagerly took the opportunity. I was not only thoroughly impressed with each feature The Women’s Study Bible offers but, found it to be an easy and informative Bible to use daily.

The Bible includes encouraging and motivating articles by Anne Graham Lotz, Stormie Omartian, Nancy Leigh DeMoss and several other well-known and respected women. Each article is short and encouraging.

The index includes a Reference Guide to the Special Features, that incorporates Annotations, Articles, Charts, Maps, Character Portraits, and Topical Notes that inspire you to dig deeper into each scripture. These features help you to gain a clearer picture of the culture, the background, the geography of that time.

I found myself drawn to the Character Portraits that offer insight and background into the women of the Bible. These Character Portraits provide an in-depth look into women we are familiar with like, Eve, Rahab, and Mary. They also include women that are not as well known, like Bernice, Junia, and Rizpah.

Even if you have a Bible that you prefer to use, I recommend getting The Women’s Study Bible (N IV) specifically for the articles and special features, as they will encourage and motivate you towards a richer understanding and deepen your Biblical insight.

O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. Psalm 63:1

There is always hope!